Geometry Wars: Galaxies review (DS)

I rose before dawn this morning. Sleep is a luxury of which only the pure, the innocent, are deserving. Not that I’d been sleeping, really- I’d put paid to that possibility by swapping quarters with my cat, spending the night in the dank bare kitchen while she enjoyed the comfort of my duvet. And then there are the thoughts which come in the darker hours- or rather, the Thought, the twisting, agonising arrowhead of my sin.

Yes, I’m aware that last phrase was pretty Freudian. Sex, is that all you people ever think about? I’m bearing my soul to you here.

I put on just enough in the way of clothes to protect early joggers and milkmen from the sight of my man bits, shouldered my rucksack and walked barefoot up the hill outside the house. The path is scarcely worthy of the name, more like the trench gouged out of the earth by a plane crash, covered with sharp rocks and undergrowth. The soles of my feet were swiftly reduced to pulp, but I persevered.

Once I reached the summit, I knelt and placed my copy of Geometry Wars: Galaxies on the ground before me. I took deep, cleansing breaths, readying myself for a day of fasting, penitential prayer and ritual self-flagellation. Physical discomfiture is a transient phenomenon, gone in a moment, but sin is a bugger to get out of the carpet. Spiritually speaking, of course.

I have never played Geometry Wars.

I am so very, very sorry. Really.

How could this not have happened, I hear you cry? I’m tempted to give one of a number of plausible excuses- my 360 died on me; my 360 died on me twice; my 360 died on me a dozen times- but there comes a time in every man’s existence when he has to be frank before his judges.

The truth is, I had the opportunity but I didn’t bother. It was- is- right there on Xbox LIVE Arcade, a solar system’s worth of frenetic twitch-wizardry, a double shotgun blast of escalating neon violence. Right there. For a teensy-weensy 400 Gamer Points.

But I knew better, damn me. I looked but pityingly, condescendingly on those who preached the virtues of Bizarre Creation’s beautifully accessible breed of schmup, previously packaged as a minigame in Project Gotham Racing 2. That ship has sailed, I said. There’s a reason they don’t make ‘em like that anymore. Who really has time for something so simplistic, so... so... two-dimensional, in this age of hundred-hour cutscenes and Havok physics and virtual beings faithfully modelled right down to the very last nasal hair.

I may even have laughed at the idea. Like this- Fnuhfnuhfnuhfnuh. Get ye from me, Satan.

So I went on with my life, blissfully ignorant of my error, till one fateful afternoon I was selected to review the DS version of Geometry Wars: Galaxies.

The principles of play are straightforward: move your craft around a flat interstellar arena, fending off the kamikaze onslaughts of luminously organic alien life with your lasers and smart bombs, your heart rate rising and falling with the pacey electronica soundtrack. There’s no glass ceiling to your performance: the game comes to an end only when you do, once you’re finally pushed into a corner by weight of numbers and the stratospheric score you’ve amassed tails off in a cascade of wireframe shrapnel.

Simple. Addictive. Necessary. May Kuju forgive me.

Really, really, really sorry.

As the subtitle may suggest, Geometry Wars has been structurally altered for this iteration (not that I would know, damn me- where did I put that crown of thorns?). Rather than one, progressively tougher arena, play is now split between clusters of levels, unlocked by spending Geoms (which also serve as score multipliers) gathered from the wreckage of your adversaries. Each arena has a certain shape and different spawning patterns, which makes Galaxies a more varied and tactical experience than its predecessor.

Another point of departure is the introduction of drones, small ally craft who accompany you into battle. You can purchase and upgrade different drone behaviours such as attack, defend, decoy or ram, which affords a little scope for customisation (though in practice, some behaviours are far more effective than others).

In the original, you moved your ship with one thumb stick and directed a hail of laser fire with the other. As with the Wii version, Kuju has had to do some wrangling to make up for the drastically dissimilar DS controls: ship movement falls to the D-pad, with the stylus standing in for the absent stick. Like many DS control schemes, this arrangement feels a little odd at first but quickly becomes second nature. Your line of fire is marked with a crosshair reticule on the top screen, which thankfully dispenses with the prospect of dividing your attention between it and the touch screen.

There are more enemy types than ever, from the green snotball thingies which dance away from your bullets to passive, purple pinwheels to sizzling electric snakes which put me strongly in mind of Darwinia (an obvious source of inspiration). Much of the challenge comes from recognising each enemy type and adapting your strategies accordingly, shooting a wormhole to trigger a vortex at the heart of a mob of advancing diamonds, or laying down a curtain of fire to counter the erratic flight path of the crimson arrowheads. It’s like the satisfaction you used to derive from sorting a packet of skittles into different colours. Or still derive, in my case. Not that I’m allowing myself any of those at present, wretched sinner that I am.

So vewy, vewy sowwy. Can I have a hug?

While multiplayer is limited to local play, the modes on offer are quite inventive. The bog-standard Co-op mode is enlivened by the option to share lives, scores and bombs, while in Versus one player plays dungeon-master, spawning enemies against the other. Simultaneous mode grants both players the ability to trigger spawns using foes destroyed in their separate arenas, resulting in frantic tugs-of-war which are sure to awaken fond memories of Capcom’s Puzzle Fighter.

The omission of online leaderboards, on the other hand, is unpardonable. Score-driven games thrive on the presence of a competitive community, as the popularity of the Project Gotham series and, of course, Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved suggests. It should also be noted that the DS version of Galaxies is (surprise, surprise) much plainer than its bigger sisters on home formats, not that this is a title which sells itself on graphical appeal. Slowdown is apparent at times, but never cripplingly so.

The only reason not to invest, other than because this sort of game ‘isn’t your thing’, is that Retro Evolved is right there (right there, by all that’s holy) on Xbox LIVE Arcade for a fraction of the price of the sequel. If you don’t own a 360 the point is moot, however: I’d cheerfully pay full bill for a shoot-em-up of this quality, and the quick-draw mechanics suit portable gaming right down to the ground.

Not to be missed, in short. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s an abyss of self-reproach I should be wallowing in.